That Time of the Month?

By S.R. Lavin,
aka Sholom

If the pundits are right; we should be preparing ourselves for the first woman President. Recent polls of Republican women voters show 25% of them will vote for “a woman” because of the historical significance in doing so. The public momentum clearly favors the present woman candidate who has raised the most money, has the best organization, and has broad support for her candidacy.

 Is it a forgone conclusion that a woman will be President in 2008?

 Perhaps. But now is the time to propose an alternative. Why settle for a “history-making” woman to be elected President. I propose a sure-fire Republican strategy that will neutralize (if not neuter) this impending result. Why not run the leading opponent in drag?

 Imagine the first tier front-runners stealing the thunder of the woman candidate by declaring their own extra-ordinary sexual preference and reality…that they are a “woman trapped in a man’s body.”

 The sensational nature of this stance (wide or otherwise) will completely up-stage the opposition, and then their campaign should expect to see an immediate bounce in the polls. Furthermore, the nominee can pledge to have an actual sex-change operation (once elected) and there-by guarantee a bi-gender candidate. He/she can then appear at his/her swearing in inauguration dressed (in drag) as a man with complete credibility that the public has elected the first transgender President.

 To further this proposal into a political strategy we can form a political action committee now, and demand that the candidates respond immediately and agree to wear dresses, appear in make-up, and demonstrate their sincerity of intent by wearing a low cut, if not revealing, décolletage.

 Let’s not settle for a woman President when we could have someone who is beyond traditional gender hang-ups, and is running for office as a profoundly different horse of a different color, a real alternative to the ho-hum, tweedle-sandra dee, tweedle-dumb we’ve come to expect from blue suits and red ties.

 The time to voice your preference for such a candidacy is now! Let’s see a real debate between Republican candidates, all of them dressed in drag!  Then we’ll be able to choose who looks best in high heels and has true chesty arrogance.

Instead of adamantly stating “I’m not gay!” we could expect them to proclaim “I wish I were a woman!”

For the voting public, this is cutting-edge politics. We know sexuality is the most significant reason to elect someone…”Sex appeal” is a fact of life (in politics in general, and as a major influence in the television advertising of a candidate).

Never mind who’s sleeping with who…Whose sexual identity is the most appealing trumps that old, sterile, scandal-mongering news with a new stereotype...