Matt Lavin, my editor at
Bosworth, recently called
me to ask if I still worked for him. Apparently I have written anything
in a
while.
“Screw you, Lavin,” I said.
“How do you know I’m not
working on a column for you right now?”
“Are you?” he asked.
“Well, no,” I said. “I’m
eating nachos and playing Mahjong
solitaire. But you had no way of knowing that.”
After a few seconds pause,
Matt offered me an assignment.
He asked me how I would feel about writing a short piece on the gayest
movie
montages.
“That’s the kind of tripe
you’re looking for?” I asked.
“I guess so.”
“OK, cool.”
Four minutes later, I arrived
at his apartment with a
completed list.
“Wow, that was fast,” he
said.
“So?”
“So, what? Did you just
happen to have a master list of
gay montages hanging out in your apartment?”
“Well, yes. I keep a few
things in my apartment in case of
an emergency. A fire extinguisher. A bootlegged copy of the ‘Will and
Grace’
edition of ‘Inside the Actor’s Studio’. A list of gay movie montages.
What’s
your point?”
Number 5: The
closing scene
from “Officer and Gentleman,”
when Richard Gere carries Debra Winger way while “Love Lift Us Up”
plays in the
background.
For a love story between a
man and a woman, this scene is
surprisingly gay.
Number 4: In “Short
Circuit
2,” when Johnny Five Chases
the villain, with “Holding Out for a Hero” plays in the background.
Johnny Five seems to look at
his foe as if to say, “in
another life, my lover, my friend.” Extra points because he’s a robot.
Number 3: The
martial arts
tournament in “Karate Kid,” set
to “You’re the Best.”
There’s something deeply
erotic about watching two men
kick each other while Pat Morita looks on sternly. If this film ever
comes back
to the theater, I’ll have to sit in the erection section.
Number 2: The
training
montage from “Rocky III.”
Oh, Rocky III. Combine the
homoerotic tendencies inherent
to all boxing movies with Sylvester Stallone, Carl Weathers, and a
fabulously
fabulous seventies workout wardrobe, and you have a perfect storm of
same sex
eroticism.
This montage has swept across the world, spreading its
wicked appeal like a pestilence, inspiring every average Joe in the
country to
make a “parody” of the scene by simply getting his unattractive friends
together so they can take off their shirts on camera.
Apparently, the film is so controversial, that Youtube refuses to
host it. But feel free to check out the “parodies.”
Copyright 2007. All content on this site is original to Bosworth
Magazine unless otherwise indicated. All rights
reserved.
Special thanks to Robin Stephen for web design
consultation, and for
drawing much of the artwork seen on the site.
Matt Lavin, my editor at
Bosworth, recently called
me to ask if I still worked for him. Apparently I have written anything
in a
while.