The Dairy Lobby Plans
To Invade Iran

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to make a case against the dairy lobby. They’ve been working tired hours for the past half-century to make sure the American people believe three basic myths:

1.      Dairy is a food group

2.      Dairy is a necessary part of a healthy diet

3.      Human beings should continue to eat dairy throughout their adult lives.

For anyone who has bothered to scratch the surface of these myths, the facts are obvious. We depend on milk not because it does a body good, but because it makes a bunch of cash. The dairy lobby spends billions each year bribing nutritionists, paying off leaders, and advertising its way into the human heart. Big dairy companies get rich, all while fleecing the small town cow farmer and simultaneously represent his interests.

If you think that’s crazy, wait until you hear my conspiracy theory. By carefully compiling data from various sources, I’ve come to an unavoidable conclusion: the Dairy Lobby plans to invade Iran.

In order to bolster its already powerful grip on American public policy the Dairy Lobby has instituted a nation building philosophy. They plan to use corporate funds to recruit and train a secret army, all the while pumping bovine growth hormones into their daily diet to produce the most aggressive, insane fighting force in the history of mankind. They’ll use surplus dairy manufacturing equipment to build tanks, weaponry, body armor and a naval fleet. Then they’ll take over Iran, institute a mandatory dairy-based school lunch program, and rake in the cash.

We must act now to stop the Dairy Lobby from succeeding in its march to war. Call your congressman, recruit your friends, consult your local library, and, most importantly, abstain from eggnog this holiday season. They put a malevolent chemical in it that will render you sterile and warp your brain!