Updated Cliches

How do cliches become cliche? Do they tell us what we want to hear? Or do we latch onto the like a wino to a half-empty bottle of Yager he found in a dumpster because they're so true? Here's a list of a few updated cliches designed to reflect contemporary truths.

1. There’s no place like Homeland Security
   
   
2. Every cloud has a carbon monoxide lining
   
   
3. Different nuptial rights for different sexual orientations
   
   
4. He who fights for a year and occupies four more, referees a civil war
   
   
5. When the cat’s away, his owner will treat the dog like a human baby
   
   
6. The early bird sets off the laser guided early bird alarm system
   
   
7. Late to bed, early to rise, DVR Conan
   
   
8. You are the sunshine of my climate change
   
   
9. Honesty is the best policy to pretend to believe in