Six-Step Guides for the Extremely Hip

Bosworth: An Online Humor Magazine Brimming with Unearned Self-Importance

Vol. 2 No. 2

February 2008

Iowa City, IA

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Bosworth Magazine

By Mixtape Master Pete

A friend of mine, whom I’ll call Shmish Shmape Shmaster Shmete, recently read some of his poetry for the first time at the open mic night at the local coffee shop. Although he--or she, you don’t know--was generally well accepted (even got a snapping ovation from the owner) there was one baggett eater who sat silent and blew the hair out of his eyes with a little too much disdain.

1)      Dance with the fear. Every good writer has either killed themselves in a cabin in Idaho, drunk themselves into a fortnight stupor, or suffered from crippling depression. Put blankets in your windows, light some candles, look-up “Dark” and “Secret” in your thesaurus, and pull out your moleskin.

2)      Eat only Hot Pockets, Toaster Strudel and Cornflakes for a week—to get your appetite back.

3)      Remind yourself that your nemesis’s idea of a poem was literally titles of Bob Dylan songs punctuated with expletives. “A hard rain is going to fucking fall on this rainy day woman number #12 and 35.”

4)      When you do get out of the basement, spend hours at the said coffee shop. Become familiar with your surroundings. Look for dead spots in the acoustics—so when you do read again, you’ll be ready.

5)      When you see the hair blower again, acknowledge him with a head-nod, but don’t take off your headphones.

6)      Read at another open mic night. If he snickers again—give-up coffee and never look back.

Good luck, and I’ll see you in the record store.
Mixtape Master Pete.