May 3: British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced early in May that he will leave office at the end of June. As popular opinion for the War in Iraq waned, Blair’s reputation steadily declined. Responding to Blair’s fear that he’ll soon be unemployed, Bush promised to find him a new job … as long as he attends a university with a giant statue of Jesus in the center of its student union. (The size of the statue will determine how good a job it is.)

May 17: Congress made moves this month to put forth the most ambitious comprehensive immigration reform package in the past 20 years, including a guest worker program, a roadmap to citizenship for illegal residents, and increased border security. Neither the left nor the right seems happy with the plan. Experts say this sense of mutual dissatisfaction is a sign of any good congressional bill. In other news, a new book, “Signs You’re Having Good Sex,” authored by these same experts, has sold only three copies.

May 25: News broke this month that the soon-to-come Creation Museum in Kentucky will depict dinosaurs riding in Noah’s Ark. The museum has expressed commitment to the position that “the Bible is the supreme authority in all matters of faith and practice and in every area it touches on.” As a result, the Noah’s ark exhibit includes two lesser known prehistoric lizards: Sacrilegeosaurus and Scientifically Fraudulent Rex.