A Few St. Patrick's Day Safety Tips

St. Patrick’s Day is so fun that the Catholic Church has extended it to a whole weekend. Sure, if you ask a represent of the Holy Roman Pope why the holiday falls on Saturday, March 15 this year, they’ll tell you something about moving it to avoid a conflict with Holy Week. But the truth is, Catholics love St. Patrick’s Day so much that they want to it last a 72 hours.

Every great catholic party takes at least two days. Mardi Gras and Ash Wednesday go together, and so do Halloween and All Saints Day. Heck, Easter lasts an entire weekend. Why not St. Patrick’s Day?

A triply long St. Patrick’s celebration, however means a few things: (a) three times the chance of ending up with no pants on, (b) two extra days of lost memories, and (c) three times the danger. Here are few tips designed to make sure you have a safe one.

1. Kiss the Blarney Stone, but don’t get fresh
2. Avoid marijuana despite its holiday-appropriate coloring
3. The hot cauldron full of corn beef and cabbage is not a “delicious Jacuzzi waiting to happen”
4. Just because everyone’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day doesn’t mean you it’s safe to go to Southie
5. Irish car bombs aren’t called that because it’s safe to drive if you drink them
6. Caution: harassing a leprechaun may result in sudden death … or castration
7. It’s true that Barack Obama is part Irish, but please fight the urge to run up really fast and hug him. He has more security than the Pope.