Disclaimer: The Bosworth editorial board has not seen any of the films discussed in this feature. Instead, based on pure conjecture, we provide our own predictions/ suggestions/ warnings about upcoming movies. We CANNOT guarantee this feature does not contain spoilers. Anything correctly predicted, however, is purely coincidental.

July 13: "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"

Harry Potter 5 picks up where number 4 left off. Harry’s still trying to find himself in the face of an ambiguous destiny and cauldron of bubbling hormones. Ron and Hermione continue a dangerous flirtation. Snape explores the possibility of a perm. Everything’s just as it was, except for one crucial difference: this time around, the characters find themselves in a bizarre and almost unbelievable world where magic doesn’t exist. Instead, people have to solve their problems by talking to each other. It’s not the most exciting movie ever made, but it promises thorough satire.

Summer 2007: "The Jane Austen Book Club"

According to IMDB, “Six Californians start a club to discuss the works of Jane Austen, only to find their relationships—both old and new—begin to resemble 21st century versions of her novels.” If this description is any indicator, the characters in this movie are mostly white, privileged, and insufferable. We would say more, but the first rule of Jane Austen Book Club, though, is that you don’t talk about Jane Austen Book Club.

Date Uncertain: "Margaret"

Margaret, played by Anna Paquin, is a “17-year-old New York City high-school student who feels certain that she inadvertently played a role in a traffic accident that has claimed a woman's life.” She seeks redemption for her sins but ultimately finds that vengeance trumps redemption. She is chased down by a blonde ninja in a yellow jumpsuit who has somehow acquired a Hanzo sword. The two warriors exchange snappy comebacks for a few minutes, and then fight to the death…

Summer 2007: "88 Minutes"

This thriller about a college professor played by Al Pacino who works as a forensic psychiatrist for the FBI is more than just an extremely condensed version of “48 Hours.” Pacino’s character receives a death threat telling him that he has only 88 minutes to live. Judging by Pacino’s last 700 movies, it turns out that the mafia killed him. Or Pacino himself was the true villain all along. A remote possibility is that Pacino killed himself to buy a sex change for his husband.