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Bosworth Magazine |
Tiger Woods Fans: Take a Mulligan!  A
TV sports commentator recently declared that Tiger Woods was “arguably
the greatest athlete” of all time, surpassing Mohammed Ali, Michael
Jordan, and Mark Spitz as the most famous, winning-est, richest, and
best performing super sports star all rolled into one. Come on! What
gives anyone to believe that a golfer (yawn) could ever hold such a
revered place in the echelons of sports history? My idea of a
super-star athlete is Billie Jean King…now there’s an athlete with
guts, acumen, panache, and cahones. Unfortunately, she is still a woman
and therefore not qualified to be “the greatest of all time.”
Heroes
aren’t made, they’re born, and sports stars are not born heroes unless
they challenge conventional wisdom or prevailing cowardly trends and
social norms to stand for something great. Let’s face facts: Mohammed
Ali is THE MAN. Don’t accept mealy-mouthed half-baked editorial mush
that says otherwise.
HERO status is nothing to snicker at,
especially when we consider how ordinary most of us are and what boring
lives we have to lead, so we know in our own hubris that we want
somebody to take the heat (and the punches) for us…someone who can
stand up (symbolically) and show the rest of us that winning is
possible -- heroes give us hope that we could be winners too (even when
it’s obvious we’re losers). So, when Ali gets his jaw broken and still
gets up and punches out his opponent, it seems just like I’m doing
it…nothing stops you if you happen to be the “greatest” among the
greats.
Heroes slay dragons and save the maiden from being a
vestal virgin locked away in some ivory tower. Heroes travel to remote
villages in impoverished countries where boa constrictors swallow
people and horrible diseases are killing everybody.
Heroes
fall on grenades and get blown to smithereens in order to save their
buddies. It’s a messy business, with almost no realistic way to honor
such heroism with a ticker-tape parade down Broadway. So, as a
practical matter, we choose our heroes from among the ones who don’t
get blown up.
Team players can never qualify for “the greatest
of all time” because they have to rely on the skill of others to be
successful while those who stand alone, who win or lose by their own
defiance and determination, are demigods.
Shakespeare created
heroes who made great soliloquies. But who wants a hero who wears
tights and speaks a lingo we can’t understand? Anyway, we aren’t
looking for deep ideas hidden in fancy speeches. We want a hero who
takes it on the chin and in his face and pays the price we don’t ever
want to experience ourselves.
Being a spectator is tough enough.
You have to demand that your hero lives up to what is expected of them,
that they are willing to pay the price for glory and riches that we
will never know except through their efforts.
Sports heroes compensate for our inabilities, and unlike politicians
(who
we expect to be dishonorable, dishonest, and despicable moral
dead-beats), we want and deserve that our gladiators have integrity,
work hard, and make us proud of them.
A true hero must also be
one savvy dude, someone who is a smart mouth and quick witted, because
we expect our heroes to show up all the hucksters and con-artists who
generally fool every sap with phony achievements and wild exaggerations
about their combat experience or prowess in bed. The true hero is able
to “rub their opponent’s face” in it, like when some snooty old
blue-nose told Winston Churchill at a cocktail party that he was drunk.
“Yes, madam, I am drunk, and you are ugly.” “I repeat, Mr. Churchill,
you are drunk!” “Yes, madam, I am. But in the morning, I’ll be sober.”
We
root for the smart-ass and the “in your face” winner. And
Mohammed Ali was the ultimate “in your face” smart-mouth who actually
could mess up your face for real.
In a world of disgraced
politicians who are always caught with their pants down in all the
wrong places, it’s reassuring that our favorite athletes, including
tennis players and basketball stars,
take their pants off and then
go to work. Golfers are required to wear long pants. And that right
there shows you why golfers are boring and not very sexy.
And more than that, Ali wore flamboyant sneakers with tasseled laces…what a hero…he combined kinky with being deadly.
Ali
floated like a butterfly, and stung like a bee! Maybe you don’t know
what that means, but you still are in awe just by the sound of it.
That’s
why it’s critical that we demand that our hero is really a hero and not
merely a Madison Avenue flunky who gets paid millions of dollars to
walk around a golf course looking suave and nonchalant.
So,
when Tiger Woods puts his chip shot into the hole from a difficult spot
in a sand trap I get no vicarious thrill or sense of accomplishment.
Big deal…birdie, birdie, birdie.
Slam, bang, thank you ma’am.
Pummeling
and pounding a guy in the face until he doesn’t know where he is or who
he is, now, that’s inspiring and provokes me to want to do the same!
Mohammed
Ali was the greatest of all time! He took it on the chin, in the gut,
and even was willing to go to prison to prove how tough he really was.
Nobody messed with him. He walked the walk. He skipped with the rope.
And he beat the crap out of anybody who dared to meet him in the ring.
Would
Tiger Woods be ready to go to jail for three – five years because he
believes in what he stands for? All he does is walk around a golf
course, stay in posh hotels, and order pizza with all the toppings
delivered to his door. How inspiring is that?
Heroes must have
mythic stature. They must overcome against all obstacles in order to
assume their rightful role, and they must be real men, with real
courage. What does Tiger Woods have besides a nifty name, mucho bucks,
and some really nice banlon shirts?
Which sounds more heroic…Ali
comes out swinging, jabbing, fading, beating his opponent to the floor…
OR…Tiger comes out swinging, slicing, fading, whacking his ball to the
green. (?)
Like all 21st Century politically correct
designations, from mushy phrases and touchy-feely good concepts, it has
become fashionable to belittle true heroes who are never concerned with
pleasing the powers that be or serving as lackeys or holding back what
was on their mind. Heroes are willing to sensationalize their
feelings and self-perceptions to become outspoken critics of the status
quo. Press commentators have chosen, in contrast, to speak in
favor of corporate wonder boys and c.e.o.’s who have nothing to offer
anybody apart from their ten figure income (and you know they will
never part with a dime of it)!
Mohammed Ali refused to take
identity with his “slave” heritage and Uncle Tom types who had come
before him. Ali was mouthy, gutsy, and unrepentant. He also wore a neat
mouth guard which made him look threatening and dangerous.
Ali
stood alone against all comers. He rendered his opponents senseless and
unconscious. He gave them concussions and left them with gashed eye
sockets. What a champion! What a hero. The one, the only,
greatest athlete of all time. There is only one possible exception…the
only other possible candidate for “the greatest of all time”…Cassius
Clay!
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