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Bosworth
Magazine Archives
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Good
Idea: Do you love sports movies? If so,
here’s a concept that might float your boat. How about a film about
competitive
Scrabble players, set against the backdrop of the Civil Rights
movement? The
team could get into trouble and dress man up as a woman to be more
competitive.
Then later that same transvestite scrabble genius would get injured and
have to
sit out the big final match. The team would win in a grand final move,
as one
of the players puts down the letters Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y on a pre-existing E
to spell
“equality.” Get it? Civil Rights. Plus you’d get 10 points just for the
Q and
50 for using all seven letters in one move.
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Bad Idea: If
you’re ever interested in a girl who seems
reluctant to start a relationship with you, writing her a sappy song
called “I
Want to Go Recycling with You” probably won’t help, no matter how
genuine the
sentiment behind it is.
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| Worse Idea: You
know that story of the tortoise and the
hare, where the hare runs fast and then passes out under a tree, while
the
tortoise takes his time but wins because he keeps going? The moral of
the story
is supposed to be, “slow and steady wins the race.” But has it occurred
to
anyone, anyone at all, that if we could just produce reliable fast
and
steady technology, we would kick the hell out of that
tortoise?
Nope. Nobody
cares. And that’s why our great nation will
never win the fight against communism.
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| Random
Thought: Whenever
I’m worried that someone
might be reading my thoughts, I quickly react by singing a modified
version of
the Meow Mix Jingle, except I change the lyrics to “SEX-SEX-SEX-SEX,
SEX-SEX-SEX-SEX, SEX-SEX-SEX-SEX, SEX-SEX-SEX-SEX.” This bit of quick
thinking prevents
telepathic intruders from learning any embarrassing details about my
personal
life and/or psychological state. |
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