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Bosworth: An Online Humor Magazine Brimming with Unearned Self-Importance

 

Vol. 1 No. 7
October 2007 
 

Bosworth Magazine Archives

Has it Crossed Anyone's Mind That Marijuana are the Same Thing? Literally.


Magoo TeaserI recently stumbled upon a dusty, aged magazine article (from 1990) by Pete Hamill that got me thinking. Hamill questions, in the pre-internet environment of the first Bush administration, whether there are more commonalities than one might think between drugs and television. “In short,” he says, “television works on the same imaginative and intellectual level as psychoactive drugs.”

Hamill’s article, “Crack in the Box,” is on the right track, but he doesn’t take his claims far enough. Yes, marijuana and TV share “disturbing similarities,” as Hamill says. But why? Why do these items seem so similar?Moriarty Magoo

Has it crossed anyone’s mind that TV and marijuana are actually the same thing? Think about it: Every time you sit down to enjoy an episode of “Matlock,” or “Saturday Night Live,” or “Three’s Company,” or “The Flying Nun,” you could simply be so stoned on marijuana that you’re hallucinating the entire experience.

We all know how marijuana works, partially from reading a science textbook we found in an alley, and partially from having smoked oodles of the stuff in the privacy of our own cardboard box.

According to howstuffworks.com: “Marijuana users often describe the experience of smoking marijuana as initially relaxing and mellow, creating a feeling of haziness and light-headedness. The user's eyes may dilate, causing colors to appear more intense, and other senses may be enhanced. Later, feelings of a paranoia and panic may be felt by the user.”

If this doesn’t describe a night of TV, I don’t know what does. I start with a little “Jeopardy!” (relaxing/mellow), then check out some sitcoms (which make me hazy and light-headed), then I suddenly can’t find a channel that showing a reality series, which makes me paranoid and panicked.

The possibility that marijuana and TV are the same thing may not seem like a good thing: chances are, you’ve spent hours upon hours watching television, believing yourself engaged in a wholesome, blue-blooded American tradition. If this pursuit was indeed the symptom of a society-wide marijuana induced trance, it could have some disturbing implications.

On the brighter side, if TV is just a psychoactive hallucination, it turns out that the creative genius who brought me “Seinfeld” and “The Simpsons” was actually me.


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