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Bosworth: An Online Humor Magazine Brimming with Unearned Self-Importance

 

Vol. 1 No. 6
 September 2007 
 

Bosworth Magazine Archives

Who is S.R. Lavin?

"Lavin is an internationally published poet and author, a college professor, and Bosworth Magazine's newest columinst.  He has led  a long, arduous life, confronting countless foes in his efforts to spread justice wherever he wanders."

"Lavin is also Bosworth Magazine Creator/Editor Matt Lavin's Dad, although he insists he was not hired as a result of nepotism.  It did help, he admits, that he was willing to work for free."

Read more about S.R. Lavin, aka Sholom, in the staff biographies section

Take Action Now!
STOP FLUSHING!


By S.R. Lavin, aka Sholom

The fall of one empire gives rise to another. The Romans invented flushing toilets in the heyday of their “greatness.” We can blame them, in part, for their contribution to global warming. S.R. Lavin, aka SholomThey unwittingly perpetrated our present impending crisis in that they spawned a sanitary system that is destructive to our environment and does not eliminate our real problem… Anyway, it’s a little late to dump on the Romans when our politicians and industrial moguls play Russian roulette with our lives by perpetuating a self-destructive eco-system simply because there’s a high-end profit in doing so.
  
Who could have known that flushing the toilet causes global warming? But the facts do not lie. Every time you flush you need to replace the 5-8 gallons of water you have used. The water is pumped into your Don't Choose Your Battleshome by the power stations.  Do the math…300 million people are flushing 3 times a day, that’s 1-2 billion gallons of water that must be pumped back into your toilet everyday!
  
As much as we might prefer to wash our hands of the whole mess, we are obliged to take responsibility for our own high-minded empire building, social engineering, and environmental destruction.
Whatever undo influence the Romans have ghoulishly exerted on our modern way of life, it’s time to face this problem head-on. Flushing the toilet isn’t great…it stinks to high heaven! We have an environmental nightmare hidden in our midst, and no one wants to discuss it because social etiquette prevents honest discourse regarding human waste disposal.

Hasn’t the government funded studies concerning cow flatulations, and the unseen, but real effects of “cow farting” on our stratosphere? Well, it’s time to dare to speak the unspeakable and put political correctness to the sword, grab the bull by the horns, and face the fact that we’re flushing ourselves out of our planet…We’re in a heap of trouble! and we cannot afford to ignore reality. 
   
Remember when McDonald’s used Styrofoam boxes and we, as consumers, found out that those boxes were destroying the o-zone?  Did we go on supporting the status quo or did we, as savvy stewards of the environment tell Ronald…”NO MAS!” “Save the o-zone!”
  
At first, very few people took the threat seriously or cared to weigh in on what seemed to be such a polyestrene cause. But the science was indisputable. Ultimately, McDonald’s got the message, because consumers stuck their necks out and stopped eating Big Mac’s. Corporate America got the message, or at the very least, decided to respond with proper action. They did not fight against common sense and good science. McDonald’s saw an opportunity to win the hearts and minds of concerned citizens by going green! Now, we eat our burgers out of brown paper bags…and get to save out planet at the same time! We can eat a Big Mac with a clear conscience. Right?

Wouldn’t it be equally satisfying to not flush the toilet at McDonald’s as well? The point is, we can all make a difference by standing up for our planetary rights, and boldly make the decision not to sit down on the job! We have seen the enemy and we are them only if we want to take the easy way out…or will you put your finger in the dike?
  
That’s the vision for forming and being part of a militant-minded effort to end global warming. Intelligent people know what matters most. When it comes to global warming there can be no compromise or half-way endeavors.
  
What can we do about it?

  1. Start www.Stopflushingnow.com. I lack the technically ability, and my son is too busy “being a teacher.”
  2. Seek alternative methods of disposing of your human waste
  3. Join with others who are willing to take a stand (form neighborhood watch groups, or hold informative discussions in your home)
  4. Promote literature which discusses the issue
  5. Write your congressman and other government representatives (put pressure on public officials to acknowledge the problem)
  6. Sponsor legislation that directly deals with this crisis.

Our planet is in immediate danger. Flushing your toilet is actually a deadly practice…and an environmental hazard.
  
The goal is zero tolerance…because flushing is destroying our environment. But, getting started now means looking to other technologies for the solution…such as…hybrid toilets, wind power,
and aggressive waste-eating fungi…
  
Complacency is the deadliest enemy. Thinking you don’t matter or believing the problem is just too big for you to deal with is just conceding defeat before the battle has been fought. Much of what will solve this crisis is years away…so, now is the time to take action. Do not sit on the fence and resign the human race to extinction. Apathetic conformity is as much the enemy as the real dangers we face, because our way of life is not sustainable. It takes real courage to say…”I will make a difference.” Or should we stumble from one environmental disaster to another, polluting and wasting our vital resources until all we have left is a giant heap of unusable human waste? Get behind the movement!
  
STOP FLUSHING NOW! Be part of the solution.


Copyright 2007. All content on this site is original to Bosworth Magazine unless otherwise indicated. All rights reserved. 
Special thanks to Robin Stephen for web design consultation, and for drawing much of the artwork  seen on the site.


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