Headlines

May 2008

As Primary Season Presses on, Demand for Images of Hillary and Obama Engaged in Cartoon Fisticuffs Increases by 400 Percent

Experts Say Majority of Airline Woes Caused by Talkative Proctologist on Plane Next to You 

Dyson Vaccuum Cleaner Named the Fastest, Least Sexy Way to Spend Your $600 Tax Refund

Battle of the Presidential Legacies-- "End of the Bush Administration" Countdown Paraphernalia Now More Popular than the "I Recently Slept with Bill Clinton" Honorary Syphilis Test

Gas Prices Soar; Sen. McCain Switches to Vehicle Powered by Inflammatory War Rhetoric

April 2008

Rev. Wright responds: “At least I never said Hitler was great… Crap, I hope no one quotes that out of context." 

Sen. McCain's spring break home movie mistakenly distributed as Viagra advertisement

Gen. David Petraeus plans to end each response in his Congressional tesimony with hilarious "April Fools!" quip

Senate proposal for a Mexican border fence offsets wall's symbolic hostility with thousands of disarmingly cute Dakota Fanning posters

Unathletic nerds call China's human rights violations "the perfect excuse" to boycott summer Olympics

March 2008

Miss South Carolina, Kellie Pickler, and President Bush Tie in Longest Trivial Pursuit Game in Recorded History

Longest Trivial Pursuit Game in Recorded History Ends in Triple Aneurism

Super Delegates Search Souls and Decide to Support Candidate with Biggest Breasts

Presumptive Republican Nominee John McCain Pledges to Run "Most Honorable Campaign of
Fear Ever"

Cloned Meat OK’ed by FDA; Terror Alert Level Raised to “Medium Rare”

February 2008
 (Old Tesament Headlines)

New Oliver Stone Film “The Four Commandments” Loosely Based on Biblical Tale

Boastful Teen Noah Michaels Declares: “I Have Two of Every Animal … in My Pants”

Hillary Promises a Fornication-Free White House, "Unlike Some Clinton Administrations"

Kelly Clarkson Fans Stoned to Death for “Idol Worship”

Conservative Candidates Say Gay  Marriage Leads to Animalism, Bible Belt Worries Animalism Will Lead to Gay Marriage